I am Not as Dumb as I Look???

I have been on this earth for "several" years.

I learned to cook in my own home as a child.

I learned to clean a kitchen in my own home as a child.

I was there when my parents had a dishwasher installed.
I learned to use the dishwasher. Without incident.

I was there when my parents installed a garbage disposal.
I was there when Mother put the potato peels in the garbage disposal.
I was there when the plumber fixed the garbage disposal.

I was there when Mother put the carrot peels down the garbage disposal.
I was there when the plumber fixed the garbage disposal.

I learned a great deal during those times of tragedy.
Do NOT talk to Mother.
Do NOT talk to Father.
Get outside as quickly as possible without them seeing you.
Never mention the plumber.
EVER!

I learned, also, not to put peelings of any kind (vegetable,  mineral or animal) in the garbage disposal.
Doing so brings the plumber and communication will cease in the household.

So, as I cleaned the kitchen this morning.....Well, wait. You need the whole story.

Last night Melvin asked me to make some rice. We have a rice cooker which I have used maybe once or twice. So I ask Melvin for the ratio of rice to water for proper use of the cooker. I know that in a pot it is 1 to 2. But a cooker is a bit different.

Melvin says, "2 cups of rice and 2 cups of water." I thought that was a bit strange so I reaffirmed his statement.

I then followed his instructions.

The rice was a TAD on the dry side. He ate some. I didn't.

We had a discussion regarding the TWO cups of rice. It turns out that the rice cooker came with its own cup. It measures 1/2 cup. So, when Melvin said two cups of rice he meant THAT cup. When he said two cups of water he meant the regular measuring cup of exactly one cup. He assumed that I understood the difference between the cups.

I am old and blonde. I did not get the subtlety there.

Meanwhile, I was cooking some fish that I had purchased the day before. It was Dover Sole. Or so they said. It turned out like the rice.

I had a bagel and cream cheese for dinner. (Much better than fish, if you ask me)

So, as I cleaned the kitchen this morning, I took the bowl from the rice cooker and dumped its dry, disgusting, hard contents....

wait for it.....

into the sink with the garbage disposal.

I turned on the said disposal.

Shortly thereafter the garbage disposal began spitting at me. The water rose. The water rose in the adjoining sink. It had little bits of dry, disgusting, hard things.

I remembered my lessons.

I informed Melvin and then ceased to communicate. I took the dog to the vet. (She needed another blood test)

I called our friend the erstwhile contractor/handyman for two lawyers.

Then Melvin called.

He had done the unthinkable. He had torn the pipes apart. He had found the rice cement. He had removed it. He had put the pipes back together. (In proper order) And then he cleaned the kitchen.

My punishment?

I shall NEVER cook rice again. (Thinking about the same for the fish)

I am a lawyer for a very, very good reason.