Courage

The tests are back and the diagnosis for my friend is ALS.

It is a horrible, debilitating disease. It just slowly takes away your body. Not your mind--just your ability to function. Science has not found a cause or a cure.

And she says that she will do everything she can to live into her 90's. Exercise, eat right, keep working. All the things she is already doing. Only more so.

That's her plan. That's her outlook. That is now her passion.

That is her courage.

She will face this scary, awful thing and thumb her nose at it.

But I find myself unable to match her stubborn, to hell with it attitude. I am, for tonight, crushed.

I want to cry and hit things and throw things and scream. I want to stare at the ceiling fan as it goes round and round and not think of anything. I want to read a non-literature book and not notice the words.

I don't know what I would do if I got her diagnosis. I think I would cry and hit things and throw things and stare at the ceiling fan and walk around trying to not feel or think.

But because of her, because of her instant courage and determination, I would, I believe, at some point, get up and be stubborn and say to hell with it.

She is and always will be my friend and my hero. 

And lord knows, I can't let her be more stubborn than me! :'-}